"Resume"

You may already know this, but I work with a staffing company. One of the Account Managers, Phil, is moving on to another company (Oracle, I think). Everyone at the office likes to tease him because he's such a goof ball. A mass email went out showing his "resume" (if you think this is real, I hope you don't own a company):
Resume of Phil Bonin:

Objective

To get back to work

Edgeookashun

St. Mary’s Presbyterian School – Pre-Kindergarten

Certificate with smiley face


History of Employment

Bill’s Tattoo Parlor, Turlock, CA (1913 – 1917)
Blood Wiper

-Wiped blood off customer when tattoo artist drilled too hard
-Threw out trash when wadded up balls of blood-soaked paper towels made trash can full
-Occasionally played a record
-Generally just sat around looking disinterested in life

The Meat Pit, Reno, NV (1898 – 1905)
Sweeper

-Swept meat off the floor after customers finished eating
-Swept everything else off the floor too


Dead-End Saloon, Tumbleweed, TX (1894 – 1897)
Spittoon Cleaner
-Cleaned the spittoons
-Dodged bullets
-Avoided death

Skeelz
Staring
Coughing
Shifting from one foot to the other
Living for a really long time

Do you know anyone who is hiring? :)