"Resume"

You may already know this, but I work with a staffing company. One of the Account Managers, Phil, is moving on to another company (Oracle, I think). Everyone at the office likes to tease him because he's such a goof ball. A mass email went out showing his "resume" (if you think this is real, I hope you don't own a company):
Resume of Phil Bonin:

Objective

To get back to work

Edgeookashun

St. Mary’s Presbyterian School – Pre-Kindergarten

Certificate with smiley face


History of Employment

Bill’s Tattoo Parlor, Turlock, CA (1913 – 1917)
Blood Wiper

-Wiped blood off customer when tattoo artist drilled too hard
-Threw out trash when wadded up balls of blood-soaked paper towels made trash can full
-Occasionally played a record
-Generally just sat around looking disinterested in life

The Meat Pit, Reno, NV (1898 – 1905)
Sweeper

-Swept meat off the floor after customers finished eating
-Swept everything else off the floor too


Dead-End Saloon, Tumbleweed, TX (1894 – 1897)
Spittoon Cleaner
-Cleaned the spittoons
-Dodged bullets
-Avoided death

Skeelz
Staring
Coughing
Shifting from one foot to the other
Living for a really long time

Do you know anyone who is hiring? :)

Appreciated

In my job, I oversee over 65 contractors. I make sure they get paid correctly and on time, and also answer any HR questions that they may have. There are some contractors that I only talk to if there is an issue (i.e. their timecard is late or written incorrectly)but then there are others that I consider my friends. There is one contractor that has worked here under a few different assignments. She is such a sweetheart and is hilarious to talk to. I bring her paycheck to her every Thursday. Sometimes, though, I do not have time to take it to her. Today was one of those days. I told her I was going to lunch at 11:30 and would leave her paycheck in a certain spot. When I returned from lunch, roses and some candy were sitting on my chair. There wasn't a note, but I asked Kellie if it was her who brouhgt those to me. She said she did. She also said "Thank you for all that you do. You are a complete asset to this organization and I'm so happy to have met you." It is sure nice to be appreciated by contractors (simply because I have never gotten any presents from the contractors). Today is a good day.

Weekend with the family

This weekend was my cousin Brittany's wedding. What a perfect time to pamper ourselves. On Thursday, my mom and I went to get pedicures together. It was really relaxing. The lady who did my pedicure must have been really scared because I haven't gotten a pedicure in 5 years!! The end result was beautiful. I'll spare you pictures of the pre-pedicure... Here is the after results...

On Friday, Rachel and I went to go get body wraps. Basically, they wrap us up REALLY tightly in a gigantic ace bandage lookin-thing then squirt ("baste") us with detoxing minerals. Then, we proceed to work out on either an elliptical machine or a small trampoline. After 45 minutes, they unwrap us. Overall, I lost 13 3/8 of an inch. Rachel lost more than me, but I shan't conceal that personal number. Rachel and I could not stop laughing. Good times!

On Saturday, Nick and I took care of Rachel's kids. It was really fun having them up at our house. Nick and Brenden played Madden 2007 on the XBOX360. Izzie, Lexi, Betsy, and I walked Bailey. We also made cookies. As the day went on, the kids noticed that Nick had done all the paintings in the house. The kids wanted to do some paintings on their own. Nick and the kids painted some pictures. Brenden painted a rainbow and leprechauns. Izzie painted Mulan. Lexi painted... abstract art.
Overall, this weekend was a blast! I sure love spending time with my favoritest sister and all the rest of the family!